The name Wayne Rooney might not be one that readers of the music press, or musical criticism and appreciation in general, regularly associate with this particular field of the arts. For those who do not know him (I am aware that there are many readers of this site in the US and Canada so you will be many) he is a former professional footballer who became famous in the early 2000’s as a dynamic and rare young talent playing for Everton but soon enough Manchester United and England. His peak playing years were rightly celebrated for their domestic success laden, bullish attacking flare in a way that his subsequent moves into management have not been. Wayne Rooney does not come across as an especially confident or engaging communicator, whether this was too much of an obstacle to overcome in club management I cannot really say, but given that some of his managerial positions ended in the early termination of contracts it is a fairly safe guess that this was not an asset. All of which makes, for me, his current regular sports broadcaster employment a surprising appointment to put it politely (as a disclaimer I should probably add I am an Arsenal supporter so writing nice things about ex-Man Utd player Rooney does not come naturally). Often when a piece of analysis is thrown Wayne’s way, he seems diffident, over repetitive and a million miles removed from the bolshy footballing bulldog we used to see on the playing field. However, there was one piece of commentary of his during the half time of the recent World Cup Final that, I honestly believe, summed up the thoughts of millions.

The half time show at the Final was a disgrace really, such a pointless spectacle of absolutely no musical or entertainment merit whatsoever, that it is hard to believe it was desired by anyone other than Americans who have no real interest in football and the under-fire Fifa president Gianni Infantino. He had already got on the wrong side of football fans the world over by introducing hydration breaks, splitting the game into quarters for what it quickly became obvious was just advertising opportunities in disguise for US broadcasters. But his messing with half-time breaks, which should take a maximum of fifteen minutes, any longer and the players are going to have to warm up again, was a liberty too far for the majority. Pre-armed with a series of transparently untrue denial statements about the length of the time slot, the musical showpiece prevented the game from restarting for 27 minutes. At its conclusion on BBC TV, where Wayne Rooney was one of the analysists, the presenter asked all three of the experts for their reaction to the entertainment, receiving two generic pieces of half-hearted praise before turning to Wayne. “I thought it was crap.” His candour caused a bit of nervous laughing, but he brilliantly doubled down. “I’m sorry I just did. I like some of those artists but really, that was just crap.”

To be fair Wayne was probably mostly frustrated on behalf of the players and the true fans at the delay, by his own admission he was just there to see football. But this does not change the fact that the spectacle was just a load of bilge. Madonna’s opening segment was either pre-recorded or mimed or both; I hate to sound like a dinosaur, but I cannot accept choreographed dance routines built around sets and props with the music mostly, if not wholly, on tape as live performance. It is a visual feat but so what? There was way too much generic global EDM sounds and beats, indistinct and of no great distinction, and an acoustic solo piece by Justin Bieber which, live or no, sounded like nothing more than a toddler mumbling into his bedroom carpet after picking up a guitar for the first time and half figuring out a couple of easy chords. There is so much genuinely great music and talent out there, which this site shines a light on every week, that it annoys me how little it is tapped into at times like this. I mean if you must have music at least present something good, this was so lightweight that even musical co-ordinator Chris Martin decided not to pack his bouncy trainers and keep a low profile.

The other thing is it serves no purpose, the only people a mishmash of a presentation like this is trying to reach are those who have no real interest in the sport, who need a bit of variety and celebrity allure as insurance that this event is worth being seen at. But do any football fans, or the game itself, actually need Hollywood actors and big-name rappers having the TV cameras pick them out of a crowd looking bored on their phones, asking their escorts what is happening? To the best of my knowledge, football is already a phenomenally popular sport and the last thing it needs is unrelated entertainment or showbusiness add-ons to broaden its appeal. The supporters absolutely do not need it, and a World Cup Final is going to sell out, as would an entire World Cup if not priced so prohibitively, with nothing more than the football itself on the menu. If Infantino does not survive his current controversy I would love it if, next time the tournament runs in four years, it adopts a back to basic approach. No decoration, no filler, no tenuous thrills and spectacle. Just two teams walking out, lining up to sing their national anthems then immediately getting down to the playing of a ninety-minute game of football. Can you imagine what a deliciously simple and pure experience that would provide? Football is a game that, when boiled down to its core appeal, is both beautifully simple to follow and frequently beautiful to watch. That is all you need.

Danny Neill